September 2013 - For the First Time in Forever

And here is the first month of my life in the valley!

My luggage, all ready to go... and my bins, all ready to stay.

Orientation! The kickoff to begin it all... Some two dozen strangers who would soon become my family.

I've really enjoyed some of the songs from the movie Frozen. I can relate to Anna in many ways... I can just feel her delight as she sings, "The window is open, so's that door... I didn't know they did that anymore!" For the longest time I lived in insecurity and isolation. I opened very few doors and windows to people outside of my immediate family and my computer. Few doors were presented to me, and I was so uncertain in my identity that I didn't dare go seek out doors to open.

Anna continues to sing - 

There'll be actual real live people

It'll be totally strange

But wow, am I so ready for this change!

'Cause for the first time in forever

There'll be music, there'll be light

For the first time in forever

I'll be dancing through the night

'Cause for the first time in forever

I won't be alone

For the first time in forever

I'm getting what I'm dreaming of

A chance to change my lonely world

From the time I was 16 until I was almost 18, I was content in my isolation. I had no roots, no connections, I was alone. Just me and my parents, with an occasional visit from my sister and nephew... My nana, maybe, my cousin... my brother... and my computer people. I love my family, I love my computer people! ...but there's no future for me there. It's not as if I could marry one of my computer guy friends. It's not as if I could homeschool co-op with my computer girl friends. Yet at that time I gave little thought to the future. I was content, because it was me and Jesus. What need did I have for a community and a people? And what did that even look like, anyway? My past had left me jaded and uncertain what a community and a people even meant. But the time came when Jesus stepped back, in order to communicate to me that it was not okay. I couldn't wall myself in behind closed doors and shuttered windows forever. My contentment vanished. For two years... I existed in my lonely world. What could drive a quiet shy insecure young woman to leave her safe little bubble and take a year-long journey alone into the big scary world far away from what little roots she might have? Just this. My King, my beloved, He summoned me hither. He ceased to meet my emotional needs in order to drive me out of my comfortable isolation. Because it wasn't comfortable isolation from 18-20. It was lonely. It was very lonely. So, like Anna, I was met with a chance to change my lonely world.

Here in this picture are my actual real live people, and for the first few months it was totally strange, haha! But I was so ready for the change. Here there's music, there's light. Here in this season of my life... the dark lonely places in my heart are being driven out by light. My weary and jaded soul is learning again how to laugh, sing, and dance. The silent places in my life are being broken off as I open my mouth, as I cease to conceal the tender places of my life which I once kept behind a mask. Yes, 16-18 were the best years of my life. Yes, 18-20 were the toughest years of my life. I will no longer conceal who I am. I will no longer wear a mask of status quo to conceal pain or joy in my life. I am free. I am in a wonderful season of life right now...  and my best days are yet ahead of me. :)

Four days into week one... a bonfire!

For the third week... beginning of the year retreat! Games and activities in the day, and gathering nightly to share our stories. Testimony nights and Orientation week won my heart for GL from the very beginning. Ah, the week of orientation. I sat there hungry and parched - being handed enough recipe cards for a feast, and being promised a year full off ingredients. I've not been disappointed. :)