Well, yes, I'll be home from Honduras on Tuesday at about midnight. xD This is the last of my auto posts in this series. I wonder what it will be like, once I return? I wonder if I'll have to take a long time to process everything I've seen, or if I'll just take it in stride? I wonder if, as I reflect on the trip, I'll find that I have as much flexibility as I hope I do, or if the trip really stretched me there? I wonder if everything will have gone smoothly, or if there will be chaos to look back on? I wonder how much Spanish I'll have been able to function in? And I wonder... I wonder what new marvels and wonders I will have encountered, and how much I will have grown.
Oh yes, I wonder what it will be like once I get back. Fifteen days from when I write this. One day from when this is posted. It is well. I have an amazing life.
I love all of you, can't wait to tell you all about it! Or maybe I can wait, who knows how I'll be feeling on the far away Monday, two weeks from now, when this post comes out? Who knows, who knows, who knows? I don't need to know. I am content. :)
Sleepover at Rachel's house... as she replied to something in our group iMessage with nigh our whole class in it, I sneaked a picture... and sent it into the group chat. xD
...Seeing it, she returned the favor. xD
And this... THIS... @_@ Seattle. It was... maybe 20 degrees? It was cold. It was freezing. In California we say we're freezing in order to communicate that we're a bit chilled. In Washington, when we say we're freezing, we literally mean it! That was a cold, cold, COLD day!
Having established how cold it was, as we stood around for several hours awaiting a parade, it resulted in several of us turning terrorist. U_U
This is from the weekend when Rachel spent the night at my house. The first night we had a grand time playing with my house niece and nephew, Kaiden and Kyla. The Homeschoolers. They ate almost an entire box of Oreos before we got there. The Oreos were very soon dubbed "contraband" as we sought to confiscate them. xD From shoving the two of them into suitcases to sitting around the table telling stories to a violent towel snap fight... it was a good night. x)
And here is dance practice!
And here is the view from my bedroom window when it snowed. It does snow up here, it really does! ... About once a month, if that. xD And the rain usually washes it away by the evening. =P But it's fun, while it lasts!
And this is that lovely Saturday when I got to bake cookies for my weekly chores. ;)
Morning worship upon return to class after break! ="D
And back to class time. :) This was a really really good day. Just... to sit there in my lovely basement surrounded by my wonderful people while class time just... happened. And I just soaked it all in it contentment.
This is from the time the Amsdens came! But that would take quite a bit of explaining to describe what was happening... so let's just say that it was good. I really enjoyed that week.
This is a screenshot from a movie Taylor and I made. She was over at my place for a sleepover, and we were being silly. =D We were telling facetious Bible stories. U_U I was Malcolm Smith (apparently there's a football player by that name, but no, not him... the old guy from the search for self worth) And Taylor was Dean Sherman, from our spiritual warfare series. (And my father may have met Dean Sherman in person when he was in Last Days ;D) Anyway, Taylor and I had a blast. xD
And this... this is a Sunday morning act of defiance. The sanctuary is full, FULL, of people with Seahawks shirts on. And right there, sitting in the front... 5 people wearing 49ers shirts. It was the Sunday that the two of them were playing. And all morning long there were jokes and playfulness about it. xD I couldn't care less about football, but all the hype and the playful jabs are funny. People were getting up on stage and telling the 49ers where the exit was, the speaker had a few props onstage for his presentation, including a water bottle... which he threatened to dump on their heads... xD There were jokes about a house divided against itself, traitors in the house, etc. It was funny. u_u
I seem to have been more photographically active in December!
Sleepover at Megan's house... we staid up until midnight listening to the Tolkien Professor and then talking about books. u_u
Homeschool choir!!! =D I've never seen so many Homeschoolers together in one place before. x) It was amazing. Truly amazing. My house niece and nephew were there, and one of my classmate's house sisters, and... yeah. I was moved, so very moved. Just... so many Homeschoolers together in one place. Such a rich and full and social childhood... That is what I want for my children.
Sleepover of four of us at Millie's house! It's like a huge castle, actually. And we awoke to snow out of the windows!
Breakfast...
As we went and picked up carpools afterwards...
The courtyard up above the basement! Well, a little to the side.
And and and!!! There's a LIBRARY in the mallll!!! Ahh!!!e ="D It's quite helpful, you know, when you're stuck at the mall from about 3 PM until 8 PM because your friend couldn't get an appointment at the Apple Genus Bar until that late. xD Naw, it was fun. Wander around... look at this, look at that. Find friends and hang out some more... then wander off to the library for another hour... do this, do that. It was good.
And afterwards... walking back to the car two parking lots away in the rain. xD
And then! Headed back to the land where the sky is blue. Here's my national traveler picture... soon to be (indeed, as this post comes out, already is -) an international traveler! Woohoo!
And just LOOK at this sign! *huff* Talk about an entitlement generation, huh? "Mmm. You deserve better than water." Since when did we deserve our luxuries? They're nice and I like them, but honestly... this generation doesn't know the difference between a want and a need. And the advertisers know it.
And then I ran into my classmate Haley in the airport! ^_^ We didn't know we were on the same flight. And then there we were! And on the way home it happened again, I ran into our intern Annie.
Here are Abbie's many puppies who were at the party Johnmark and I went too in Yuba City.
Sibling Night, woohoo! It was awesome. Love you, Dawnmarie and Johnmark! And the day before all five us went to see The Hobbit together. x) It was amazing, all of us doing something together.
¡Mi gato! Me gusto mi gato. :)
My loving, kind, and extremely smart nephew... who has just made the serum to turn minions purple. ;)
Of course, he also made the serum to turn them back yellow again!
And then a few days later here he is again, making ice cream. My lovely cousin Kirstyn helped with that too!
The sequence of pictures (and occasional deep paragraphs) continues!
Here are some of us at Red Robin one evening...
And here's a picture from class time in the basement!
The basement... it is a wonderful place. Such wonderful things happen in the basement. I've tried to pinpoint a physical location that I would describe as home. I've concluded that I simply can't do that. My home is not in California. My home is not in Washington. Neither the house I grew up in, nor the house I sojourn in now. Neither one is home. The basement obviously isn't my home either, but it's the closest I can get to pinpointing a physical location as "home" during this season of my life.
I know you're all wondering where I will be next year. I understand, I'm wondering too. I'm learning how to trust even when this big roaring uncertainty confronts me. Because... California is my home. I have a few roots there. I've been uprooted many times, but the core roots - my parents - have always been there, and some of my other roots came back. I have amazing parents. I have awesome siblings. I have the best nephew in the world. I have a lovely niece on the way. I have some extended family. In California... my father is in California. And that fact alone makes it home. And this year I've learned how to love and appreciate my mother more than I knew how to before. And I want to get to know my parents better than I do, especially now that I know who I myself am better than I once did. And, while I don't see myself getting married for some 5 years, perhaps, I want my future husband to go to my father and ask for permission to court me. And I want the two of them to be great friends. I need that. I need my father and mother involved in... in my life. And in the lives of their future grandchildren. The last thing I want is a gap, a rift of distance from one generation to the next. I've seen it happen before. This happens in the books. So in that way I have experienced it before. And know I don't want that for my life.
And yet, I don't know what my tomorrows hold. Even just next year. I could be back in California. I could remain in Washington. I could move to Europe or Africa or South America for all I know! I do know, though, that if offered an internship at this point I would accept. But I'm only halfway in the year, I don't know what 5 months down the road holds. I follow my King where He goes. Whether that's California, Washington, Honduras, Columbia, England, Austria, Switzerland, Uganda, or... or McMurdo, for crying out loud! xD Haha. And as California is my home because I have a few roots there, Washington is now also my home. Here I have a community, a people. I have my GL class. In some aspects, I now have the strongest roots I've ever had. But at the end of the year we will disband, and... and I don't know what comes after that. I don't know what roots remain when my class disbands. I don't know what doors will be opened at that point. But I choose to trust that doors will be opened. I am surrounded by doors in Washington... if He takes me back to California He will have to show me doors where I now see none. In my life I will have a people and a community, a husband and children, a rich and full life. If He opens doors for that in California, awesome.
This song has been a favorite of mine since... well, all my life, in a way. I first heard it not long after giving Him my heart when I was 15/16. This song defines my life. I write this the night before I depart for Honduras, and it will auto-publish while I am in Honduras. And it truly is my hope that I will be a world traveler throughout my life. Well, in certain seasons... Obviously no mother wants to be catching planes with toddlers in toe all the time. xD But for seasons... who knows which seasons? Other than right now, obviously. But yes... I will follow. This is what brought me to Washington in the first place. And this is what will either keep me in Washington or return me to California. Assuming, of course, that a season of foreign countries does not arise this summer.
At the end of the year, I will have choices to make. At the end of the following year, I will have choices to make. Five years from now, I will have choices to make. And so on. Following doesn't mean it's always obvious. I still have to ponder, to consider, to look at circumstances, weigh through emotions and truths and promptings - and reach a conclusion. And I want my parents to be involved in the decision I make at the end of the year, and the decision I make the following year, and the major decisions I make throughout my life. I really do. And we're going to have to get to know each other better for that. Like I mentioned in a previous post, now that I know myself better, I am in a position where I can make myself known to my parents in ways I could not before. And I want to do that. And I want to get to know them better, too. I love you, Mother and Father.
And here we have a birthday party bonfire... we afterwards went and played hide and seek in the trees. ^_^ Not like forest trees, but a bunch of pine trees. It's a Christmas tree farm.
And this amazing shirt I saw somewhere. I know I saw it in the airport in December, but I must have seen it somewhere else in November too, since this picture is dated November 26th. Isn't it brilliant, selling this shirt in an airport? ;) But anyway, I love it. I should get this when I'm in my most traveling season, shouldn't I?
And on to my second month in the Valley! ...Well, not exactly, since I only arrived halfway through September. ;) But still.
On the ferry, crossing over to downtown Seattle!
Wandering the streets of Seattle in a group of 6 of us. Honestly, Seattle is not a nice place! But it was fun with all of us together.
And this is in Spokane when we went for a conference, me and the little girl from the house I staid at.
And my poor mother wondering whether or not I was still alive, due to a lack of regular communication. My apologies! Time doesn't run the same this far north. I think that it had probably been about 3 days in Washington since we last talked, while 3 weeks passed in California.
And here is the first month of my life in the valley!
My luggage, all ready to go... and my bins, all ready to stay.
Orientation! The kickoff to begin it all... Some two dozen strangers who would soon become my family.
I've really enjoyed some of the songs from the movie Frozen. I can relate to Anna in many ways... I can just feel her delight as she sings, "The window is open, so's that door... I didn't know they did that anymore!" For the longest time I lived in insecurity and isolation. I opened very few doors and windows to people outside of my immediate family and my computer. Few doors were presented to me, and I was so uncertain in my identity that I didn't dare go seek out doors to open.
Anna continues to sing -
There'll be actual real live people
It'll be totally strange
But wow, am I so ready for this change!
'Cause for the first time in forever
There'll be music, there'll be light
For the first time in forever
I'll be dancing through the night
'Cause for the first time in forever
I won't be alone
For the first time in forever
I'm getting what I'm dreaming of
A chance to change my lonely world
From the time I was 16 until I was almost 18, I was content in my isolation. I had no roots, no connections, I was alone. Just me and my parents, with an occasional visit from my sister and nephew... My nana, maybe, my cousin... my brother... and my computer people. I love my family, I love my computer people! ...but there's no future for me there. It's not as if I could marry one of my computer guy friends. It's not as if I could homeschool co-op with my computer girl friends. Yet at that time I gave little thought to the future. I was content, because it was me and Jesus. What need did I have for a community and a people? And what did that even look like, anyway? My past had left me jaded and uncertain what a community and a people even meant. But the time came when Jesus stepped back, in order to communicate to me that it was not okay. I couldn't wall myself in behind closed doors and shuttered windows forever. My contentment vanished. For two years... I existed in my lonely world. What could drive a quiet shy insecure young woman to leave her safe little bubble and take a year-long journey alone into the big scary world far away from what little roots she might have? Just this. My King, my beloved, He summoned me hither. He ceased to meet my emotional needs in order to drive me out of my comfortable isolation. Because it wasn't comfortable isolation from 18-20. It was lonely. It was very lonely. So, like Anna, I was met with a chance to change my lonely world.
Here in this picture are my actual real live people, and for the first few months it was totally strange, haha! But I was so ready for the change. Here there's music, there's light. Here in this season of my life... the dark lonely places in my heart are being driven out by light. My weary and jaded soul is learning again how to laugh, sing, and dance. The silent places in my life are being broken off as I open my mouth, as I cease to conceal the tender places of my life which I once kept behind a mask. Yes, 16-18 were the best years of my life. Yes, 18-20 were the toughest years of my life. I will no longer conceal who I am. I will no longer wear a mask of status quo to conceal pain or joy in my life. I am free. I am in a wonderful season of life right now... and my best days are yet ahead of me. :)
Four days into week one... a bonfire!
For the third week... beginning of the year retreat! Games and activities in the day, and gathering nightly to share our stories. Testimony nights and Orientation week won my heart for GL from the very beginning. Ah, the week of orientation. I sat there hungry and parched - being handed enough recipe cards for a feast, and being promised a year full off ingredients. I've not been disappointed. :)
