3) Levels of Intimacy

Right now it's the end of week 5, and I'm a few weeks behind! But I have a little something to share from each week. ;) Hopefully I'll get all caught up again today.

So! During week three, we had yet another guest speaker. Carry Abbot, who talks about the different roles of men and women from the original design. Like those awesome books Captivating and Wild at Heart. So it was cool having her here for several days. We also had two or three other GL programs visiting for the event. Only they're called Master's Commission. Generational Leadership used to be called that, but the name was changed a while back.

Here's the MC bus from Canada showing up! And I had three of the Canadian girls staying at my host home, which was fun.

One thing Carry Abbot talked about has proved really useful. She talked about the five intimacy levels between... well, people in general, really. Friends, family, acquaintances. Here are the levels:

1) Nice weather we're having...

Entirely surface conversation you could have with anyone, and no commitment to any friendship or relationship. For the friendship to continue, you need time.

2) Such and such said this...

Reporting what other people have said, telling little stories, and getting people's reaction. It's a good way to gage what people think and how much you have in common. There's very low commitment. For the friendship to go deeper, you need trust.

3) I believe this...

Level three is where lines are drawn. But it's still not extremely intimate, because your beliefs can change. There's moderate commitment at this point. To go deeper, you need respect.

4) My history. This is what I have done and what has happened to me in the past...

You can't change your history. And Carry Abbot was very firm when she stated that it is NOT SAFE to begin any friendship with level four. You have to walk through the first three levels before you get here, you need that time, trust, and respect. Level four is high commitment, but if you start here... you don't have that commitment, the people you share with are not prepared to take care of your heart. But, having walked through all four steps appropriately, with honor you can go on to level five.

5) My feelings. This is what I'm going through right now and how it makes me feel...

This right here is the very highest commitment. You can only have a few friends at this level. Three friends, maybe? People you love. People you are free to share the deepest feelings and struggles of your heart with. I believe the most literal definition of the word intimacy is: "Free to know and be known without fear of rejection." Level five is the very highest commitment.


I just love this scale so much! I'm using it to gage people around me all the time now. Take the three most important people to me, for example. I relate very closely on the first three levels with the person who is the most important to me, and we've had a few conversations on levels four and five. Not near enough conversations, though... relating on levels 4 and 5 with this person is so precious. x) And then the other two people who are extremely important to me... one of them, in a single conversation we'll seamlessly travel between all five levels on a regular basis. And the other person is Rachel, who was of course also there when Carry Abbott was talking about this. We talk about the scale and it makes relating easier, because our transitions between the 5 levels aren't as seamless. It's just so awesome!

And then classmates. Oh, it's so cool! The other day I was having a conversation with a few students... the ones I've related to the most these last two months. Two months of level 1, 2, and 3. Well, there was  level 4 on testimony night. But anyway, I was beginning to go into level 4 and 5 during this conversation the other day. Then an intern walked up and started to join the conversation. Annnd... I was able to send him away! Woohoo! It was so easy! I didn't have to awkwardly fall silent, because it just feels rude to say, "Go away!" But all I had to said was, "This is a level 5 conversation. You and I have only related on levels 1 and 2." It was as simple as that, and he walked away. >:D

Well, that's all for now. I'm off to take a hike with Megan and Rachel and her house dad! We'll see when I get back to write about weeks 4 and 5. Farewell!