Wednesday, April 27, 2016

And Two Years Later...

I desire to write. I desire to create worlds with my words. And what has drawn me back here, to a blog I haven't touched in nearly two years? There is a distinct reason, though I may not be able to articulate it properly, even in the silence of my heart. Yet there is something of a platform here. I'm writing from a position of a GL graduate coming to a place where I have not been since I was a GL student. I don't think I actually have an audience, but this is for me. It's for me. And there's something about throwing out whatever thoughts come to me in this place... something about trajectory. Because I'm very interested in trajectory right now. And I feel a sense of where I have come from in this place, and a delight to share that I know where I am going.

Well, I don't actually know where I'm going. Gosh, I don't even know where I'm going to live tomorrow or next week or three months from now. There are deep waters around me, yet also a God who splits the sea so I can walk right through it. And I know the thrill of being ready to move in a moment's notice. When the sea opens, I can pack all my possessions into my little blue Volkswagen and be moved within an hour.

In reality I'm not fully prepared. I have a little pile of old letters and journals I'm digitalizing that I might throw them away. And a little pile of brown packages which are gifts to be delivered - Christmas gifts I bought and never got around to giving, and books I'm giving as gifts in order to downsize my own collection of physical possessions. Dragons in our Midst goes to Cheyenne, The City of Ember goes to Lexi, The Door Within goes to Lydia... you know, the book series that are the favorites. DragonKeeper Chronicles and Goldstone Woods and some of the other ones I gave away in another purge. I can always re-aquire them. The Chronicles of Narnia I sent back to California with my parents, though. One day I may reclaim it when I am free to truly start building my library. And a friend is borrowing Lord of the Rings. Or perhaps keeping it. It isn't an original binding like my Narnia books, so I needn't set it aside like those.

But in any case, even with these oddments that are pending to be gotten rid of, still I could fit everything in my car and be moved within an hour. I like it. I have 15 sharp neat little plastic boxes that stack in my trunk, which is the majority of what I own. 15 little bins and a few even smaller plastic boxes that tuck around them. Then I have six small plastic drawers which contain my clothes and a few key items. I have a laundry hamper into which all my closet clothes can instantly be deposited into. One bin of off-season clothes, a printer, a sewing machine, and a microscope. A clamp lamp, a blanket and pillow, a suitcase. Two bows and a roll of large paper maps with a handful of arrows neatly tucked in the middle. A mirror and my framed GL graduation pictures and diploma.

...And that's pretty much it. And yet even so it feels like so much stuff to me. I have to place these items in the back seat and passenger seat of my car. If only I could reduce my physical possessions down to merely the 15 bins in the trunk. But I have weighed it out, and it simply isn't practical. The sewing machine could go, the microscope could go, the printer could go... but I use them. Well, maybe I don't actually use them, but I might. You never know when you need to print something and haven't the time to run to the library. Or get the urge to sew, or look at something microscopic. No, I choose to hold onto these things. My maps and bows and arrows too. They're special. They have meaning to me. That's why I drag them all over everywhere with me. And then I can't exactly get rid of my wardrobe, of course. Not a literal wardrobe, I just mean my clothes. One bin, six drawers, and a basket full of hang-up clothes.

It is actually exciting living in these days. I knew they were coming. I knew there would be a time in my life when I needed to be light, free, unencumbered by stuff, able to move in a moment's notice. A time when I not only needed to be prepared, but when I actually would be doing what I was prepared to do. I've known this for a long time. I remember the epiphany moment when I looked at my plethora of belongings in my room in California and knew it had to go. That was many years ago. How many? Well, I distinctly remember coupled with that epiphany moment was the shock of Obama's election to office and what it could mean for our country in the long term, though how related the two thoughts were I cannot say. I was 14 years old. And now I'm 22. Eight years ago, echoes of the future were making contact with my heart. And today I live in that future.

I lived in the same house for the first 20 years of my life. And in the 2.5 years since, I've moved a total of seven times, anticipating the eighth in the near future.

And I can tell you, every time I move I feel the urge to reduce my possessions yet again. Each move is easier. I downsize every time. And this time, this time I have poured special energy into that downsizing and organization. I've never actually packed everything into my car and moved it in one trip. Sometimes it was two trips, sometimes I left a bit of storage behind and went back for it later, or whatnot. But now I have this new goal, which I have attained though I am still applying the finishing touches, that I might simply place every single belonging I have in my car and move in one trip. It will be satisfying to do so when the time comes. Even my bike, which is still at my last place, can come with me on the same trip by being on my bike rack behind my car. I also left behind a large map with cardboard backing there, but I think it might fit in my car as well. It's just awkward sticking it in my little car at the best of times, because it is so big. But if needed, I would be okay if something came up and I couldn't get it back. So therefore I don't count it in my mental assessment of my possessions.

Now, what does all this really have to do with anything? I don't know, it's just something in my heart. It mirrors something within me. The less stuff I am encumbered with, the more free I feel. And being yet more organized still this time settles comfortably in my soul, for as humans we reproduce the environment outside of us that is within us. I like that. Even little things like keeping my room clean is soothing to me. It's soothing to know that I have that discipline. How hard is it to pick something up and put it on a hanger right away, instead of waiting for a huge buildup before tidying up? How hard is it? It can be pretty hard. Because it's not the physical difficulty of picking it up and placing it on the hanger that we're measuring, it's the mental difficulty of focusing enough to do that. Being willing to pause whatever else is mentally happening long enough to put the jacket on the hanger instead of flinging it somewhere. That is a legitimate difficulty to the mind, and the will. But it tastes good to overcome it, absorb it as a habit, and no longer even have to think about it. And to desire that. To be bothered by pencils left laying on the floor or a messy bed. To have a messy environment somehow contradict the environment that exists inside of me is a pleasure to me. To feel the need to be in a clean place because that's... that's just who I am. That's who I have become. And I like that.


Yeah. I love my life, I love my God, I love adventures. And I know where I'm going. I live in my promised land, and I'm going deeper in. I live in a land flowing with milk and honey, and I'm going further up and further in. I know where I'm going on the inside. I don't know what all of the external circumstances will be, but I know where I'm going on the inside. Jeremiah 29:11 is an isolated verse printed on Bible covers and flung across the scrolling expanse of Pinterest, written on our hearts and cherished in our souls... and yet how comforting it is to learn the rest of the story. To read the surrounding verses. To get the picture of a future and a hope just bubbling up and spilling over from the inside, from the prisoner of war to the exile returning home, there is a future and a hope to fill up on the inside those who seek God with all their hearts.

I'm still interested in external trajectory, of course! ;) And internal trajectory, as well. What is the internal process going to look like in this particular season of going further up and further in? And what is the external trajectory going to look like? So many decisions to be made. But for now I shall conclude... it is a pleasure to tap the keys and to type. It has been a while. I enjoy this.

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Beauty

Hello! Wow, time flies when you're having fun. And when you're having fun on a bus and cross a time zone boundary, that makes it go even faster. Haha, that happened when we crossed over into Mountain time from Pacific time. We were all laughing and having a good time at around 3:00 PM... and then POOF! It was 4:00 PM. U_U xD But anyway, road trip is all over now. Yup. There's two months left until graduation, which is on August 3rd. And then my lovely parents are bringing me home. And then I'm off to Jury Duty on August 11th. And that's as far as my life is planned out to date.

Anyway, I've been thinking about beauty today. I was rereading one of my favorite books, and it struck me in a new way. And one beautiful thing is art. So I wrote down some thoughts from the book and drew some artwork around it. :) A beautiful display of information about beauty. It's up on my wall now.


Here's a close up.


Friday, May 9, 2014

Honduras Paused!

Well, I only got the first 7 days of Honduras prepared and scheduled to post! I write this on April 30, and tomorrow I depart. Woohoo for road trip! =D Too bad for Honduras info. :( Ah well. xD Hopefully I'll take the time to get it up once I return from road trip... sometime in June, I think.

See ya! :)

P.S. Here's an action shot from the life of a GL... With a bunch of stuff to grab for road trip, and a very short time to grab it all! I should have at least got a basket before darting through the store grabbing my stuff, yeah? Well, looking at my list I found that I needed more stuff than I thought I did. xD


Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Honduras Day #7 School of the King

March 10, Day # 7
  • Breakfast.
  • Packing... talking with Kaitlin and Marie about practical stuff living here. Burning trash with Leah. Sweeping patio, cleaning toilet.
  • Second group. About 10-12 of us + our luggage + a couple mattresses in cattle car. Picture, Cydney. [Picture!] 30-45 minute drive. So beautiful. x) So we headed over to Institute del Rey, the School of the King. It's a gated area containing three houses, fruit trees, lawns, a soccer field, basketball court, (though no one thought much about basketball... soccer was the thing!) a covered patio area, and the school itself - a bunch of classrooms (and library!) all connected in a square with a central courtyard. Living there full time was a missionary couple, Wendy from GL's host church, and Alison from somewhere else. And there were security guards.
  • Arrive at school... getting settled, then 20 min with students on their break. Then a bit later, chapel. Garrett – Stomp. Chad – He Reigns. (Technical difficulties, order really Garrett, Chad, Stomp, He Reigns, Rebecca, So Good.) It /was/ so good! But I must return to short bullets. 
  • Those tortilla things. Home kitchen. We walked across the street and knocked on the door of this private house, where these ladies ran their home business. Rob and I were the ones who spoke some Spanish, so we were able to step inside along with Pastor Ed while the others waited outside. They had such a cool little kitchen! We told them how many baleadas we wanted, and they got started making them. They made the tortillas from scratch, then filled them with beans and cheese. Kind of like a folded quesadilla, but fuller. While they made them, we walked up the street to a couple little shops. Then on the way back we paid and picked them up. 
  • Talking with Wendy and Amanda, foot massage.
  • Cindy explained amibas. We all have them in our stomach, actually... it's just not something we like to advertise in the states!!! It's only really a problem when you get too many of them inside... which is what happens when you a) drink unfiltered water over there, or b) don't drink enough of the good water and get dehydrated. Poor little Haley had it bad, and Cydney, and Annie... stomach aches and other unpleasant symptoms. 
  • Dinner prep.
  • Anna ice cream. It was 14 limpera... which is about 75¢. For an cool little ice cream! Anna picked it up for me from the store down the road. And having something cool and creamy in a hot land where everything is room temperature or warm... is such a treat. Just like a squished peanut butter and jelly sandwich out on a hike tastes way better than a fresh one in the kitchen. there's just something about being out on an adventure... it makes you value little things more. They just taste better than normal!
  • Organizing suitcases. And shoes several times. I lined up all our suitcases along the wall. There were about 5 of us in the living room, so I got everything organized and easily accessible for each of us. I love organizing!
  • Dinner. Matt’s bday. x) First birthday party ever. “Speech, speech, speech, speech!” Just like Bilbo! And great speech about first bday sober and surrounded by loved people. Matches for candles in chocolate chip banana bread. It was cool!
  • After dinner – 8:00. Curfew 10:00. 5 things to accomplish. 2 back rubs (Haley and Abbie), I foot rub (Amanda), shower, and this log. Dishes, logistics hiccup, Me, Amanda, (Clara, Megan, Taylor.) Haley y Abbie fell asleep. 10 min per foot, then rush to shower at 9:45. Kristie – “Next time don’t wait until the last minute.” No need to explain. My value is not in that. Quick shower, quick prep for bed, in bed 10:05ish. Now time for sleep!!! – 10:25 Yes, I had more tasks lined up then I had time for, faced with a pile of dishes and limited help. It was just a little hiccup where not enough workers were assigned to clean up. Just two of us... but then three more came and joined us when I went out to ask if anyone could help us, so it all worked out fine. Still, there was barely time to shower and get ready for bed! It's such a joy to not have to worry what people think... In the past I would have felt less valuable, because it looked like I did something extremely immature. (Dawdling until the last minute and then jumping to use the shower.) I probably wouldn't have explained in any case, because it would just look like an excuse... but the difference is what I felt inside. In the past, I would have felt bad. Felt like my value as a human being had gone down because someone thought I did something immature and irresponsible. It's so cool to just have quite peace, resting assured of my value in my Creator, not in how people rate my behavior.

Monday, May 5, 2014

Honduras Day #6 Pictures

I was able to go for a little walk and grab some pictures before breakfast... :)


Standing at the girls' house, looking down on the group house.


Beautiful Honduran forest, mountains, and sunrise!




Clothesline!


This is the area we dug out the other day in order to make a place for the clothesline to be extended. And those spiky plants up there are pineapples!


Girls' house to the left, back of the group house to the left. ;)


Group house window.


Girls' house. It's actually a duplex. The right side is the girls' house, the left side is where a missionary family normally lives... but they were on furlough, so it was empty.


My laundry.


Dog.


River... and foster home in the distance.


The path to the other side of the property! It was probably a 3 minute walk from the group house to the foster houses...




Chicken house.


Worker's house.


Foster house.


Shed.


Library, with concha behind it. The concha is the basketball court/gathering hall.



Attack geese!


Library and concha again...


Middle courtyard.


Truck and computer house, where the guys staid.


Path down to foster houses.


Green foster house.


Blue foster house.


The other blue foster house.


Trees.


Blue foster house. (There are a total of three: two blue and one green)


Cook stove in the back.


Trash pile.


Beautiful. 






8' 8' 8' hole!!! =D I love holes. x) And I so enjoyed working on it with my brothers, when I had the chance. The purpose of the hole, when finished, was to burn trash in.


Back of foster home.


Chickens.


Bikes.


Carolina and I. x)


Construction for bathrooms added onto the library...


Sign.





La concha!



Playground. ;)


Back of computer room.


Carolina and Fredrico homeschooled, I'm pretty sure.


"Welcome to the Library"











Books... :)




"Discover the world with books"


:)







First up close map of Honduras I saw!




Storage area of the library.







Hill across the street.


Path.



Flowers.


Upper path to the right leads to girls' house, lower path to the left leads to the group house.


River down below.


Door.



 Meal plan.


The interns staying there... their chore chart.


I love luggage tags!



This is the messiest my suitcase ever got! I was digging something out, and I took a picture before putting it all back where it went. And all that stuff to the left isn't mine, only the stuff on my suitcase's lid.



A college student also lived there. 


One of the interns, and view of group house.



Something like - Wherever you go, I'll go, wherever I live, you live... something along those lines. I didn't look it up, just deducing from what I know of the language and the tone of the picture. It's beautiful! 


The map, all marked up some more!